If you’re a woman under the age of 60 that spends at least an hour a day on TikTok, you’ve probably come across content about “de-centering men” and Shera Seven. There are thousands of videos revolving around the idea that all men are inherently evil once they’re born into the patriarchy, and that is a feminist action for a woman to use these inherently evil men for financial gain if they so choose to date them.
Despite how absolutely absurd the messaging is, it has deeply resonated with women around the world; the women who make this sort of content have millions of followers.
We can’t ask ourselves how the tradwife lifestyle has grown so popular while also agreeing with people like SheraSeven and all her minions. If the only reason to be with a man is his money, and there is an unspoken agreement between a heterosexual couple that the man will treat you like dogshit, but it’s acceptable because the woman has access to his bank account, then we are re-entering a dangerous era.
In politics, there’s the idea of the horseshoe theory: sometimes the politics of the left and right align closer to each other than one may think. In writing this post, I saw a TikTok comment from someone who considers themselves a “radical feminist” openly admitting that she shares many of the same ideologies as the right-wing, but for “completely different, anti-patriarchal reasons.”
In order to understand why this rhetoric is so dangerous, we must first understand where it stems from: fear. When Roe V Wade was overturned in 2022, I felt the very real fear of the loss of my bodily autonomy, as did millions of women across the nation. I was raised in a blue city within a blue state, so if I was afraid, I know women in less safe states were terrified.
I can only imagine how much this fear was exacerbated from the 2024 election, and now, six months into the current administration, the culture is scary.
However, living in constant fear may very well be the death of humanity.
Misogynistic, redpilled men are a result of fear. The fear of being perceived as unattractive, the fear of dying alone, the fear of never being loved. This fear has manifested into hatred of women, and I think that this rhetoric is also absolutely insane.
We know that redpilled, incel culture is on the rise with young men. These young men already believe that all women are inherently shallow and will only love them if they are wealthy. This mass generalization of people from specific gender orientations very easily becomes violent. We see how women are killed because of misogyny. What happens when their delusional, misogynistic rhetoric turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy? If we’re all full of resentment for members of the opposite sex, how are we going to exist in society?
Conservatism is also a product of fear! People look towards conservative rhetoric when they feel like the cultural climate is leaving them behind. It is by design that transphobic rhetoric proliferates the political scene just a decade after gay marriage was legalized. Jim Crow thrived in the Post-Civil War south because there was a fear of former slaves thriving in society.
Admittedly, my fear after the overturning of Roe V Wade did make me slightly afraid of falling in love. Having been hurt before, I questioned if risking my own personal safety when I could still be left with emotional damage was even worth the trouble. But romantic love comes in many forms, and as long as you try to fall in love safely, I think it is a beautiful thing. I try to live fearlessly. I am in love with the human experience, and romantic love is part of that experience! I don’t want to live in fear of my own vulnerability.
Is the fear even worth the trouble? If you live in a universe where you have to assert dominance over a man in order to protect yourself, what happens when you’re still left with emotional damage? Love can be transient, peculiar, unsteady, but it can also be enlightening, revolutionary, and truly beautiful.
It’s not anti-feminist to be a woman who one day hopes to marry a man. It’s definitely not anti-feminist to simply enjoy the company of a man.
I think it’s time for us to ask ourselves, both as individuals and a society, what exactly does romantic love look like? What does it feel like? Why do many of us, regardless of sexuality, fear falling in love?
PS. Dare I say, if the only way you can “decenter men” is to outright avoid them, then you probably still have some work to do.
PPS. It’s even crazier to think that all men are incapable of being genuinely good people. There are about four BILLION men on this planet right, and I’m supposed to believe ALL of them are bad? Be serious.
PPPS. And if we even start to mention marriage equality and gay relationships, redpilled content and whatever Shera Seven is saying sounds even more absurd……but that’s an entirely different conversation for a different day…….
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