I don’t think we execute our free will enough!
The first time I understood what “free will” entailed was in my eighth grade religion class. We were learning about how and why God made us, and I don’t really remember any of the lesson, but I do remember my teacher telling us that we were blessed with both consciousness and free will.
Sometimes I feel like I’m too self aware. I’m always so conscious of how I carry myself and how I come across to people, and maybe that is my best trait, but it can also be terribly restricting.
Somewhere in 12th grade, I began to realize we can really do whatever we want. There used to be a lady that danced with painted feet on a canvas in Washington Square Park, and seeing her dance awoke something in me. I found myself behaving impulsively in a way I never had before. By the time I began college, I was living life to the fullest, enjoying every moment.
For a reason I still haven’t figured out, last year, I completely abandoned the ability to do what I want when I want. I think I rediscovered the insecurity and aforementioned consciousness that feels so restricting. I think I thought I had to become one of those organized people that resented chaos and craved structure.
If I’m being true and honest, I’ve always been a bit of a mess. I love loud disco music and hopping in puddles and big hair. My room always looks like a hurricane came through, even when I spend hours cleaning it. In high school, I always fought to open my locker without having the avalanche of papers stored falling out. I like the look of dirty Air Force 1s!
I’ve always been insecure about the complete disaster I often am, and I never felt true happiness until I chose to embrace all of it. Unfortunately, at some point in the past year, that insecurity creeped back in, but that’s the beautiful thing about free will! We can choose to embrace it anytime and anyway we see fit!
As long as we aren’t hurting anyone, I think we should do what makes our heart happy! If you’re still not sure about doing what you want, get a friend to join! Be free!!!!
lovelovelove,
malaika 😉 <3
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