Maybe it’s just my Tik Tok algorithm, but dating horror stories seem to be the bread and butter of a niche community on that app. Influencers like Molly Rutter give their audiences regular updates on their dating life, sometimes in real-time. Now, I don’t enjoy this form of content, but I do think there are some serious lessons to be learned.
As a disclaimer, I feel it is important to say that I have never met a man who I would seriously consider to be my husband. I’ve had my fair share of deluded flings, but even then, I had enough reason to understand I was perpetuating a fantasy.
I do not believe that situationships are real. I think it is a word invented purely to protect one’s self from the reality of a romantic dynamic. If you’re friends with a person but you’ve never actually confessed romantic interest in them, you just have a crush. If you and said friend have openly discussed being attracted to each other and have acted upon said attraction, then you’re probably just friends with benefits. If you are head over heels in love with a person, and they purely interact with you with the intention of being physically intimate with each other, you are being used. When we use words like “situationship,” we confuse ourselves, getting attached to a label that means quite literally nothing.
I completely understand that falling in love can be scary, but I also believe that it’s meant to be fun! Exciting! Full of joy and laughter and inside jokes and quiet nights in and gratitude of being known and appreciated! I really don’t think our soulmates would make us feel misunderstood and invisible. No relationship that starts out with you crying alone in bed at night because the person you love has an increasing snap score while you remain on delivered is actually going to bring the magical feeling love brings that we all deserve. The saying is “Confuse thy enemy,” not “Confuse the person you love!”
I know shows like “Sex in the City” make us feel like love should be a constant push and pull, humbling in ways that are honestly downright inhumane. The reality is that there are soft and quiet love stories all around us. Love isn’t being abandoned at the altar and then still getting married a few years later! Love is in!the long birthday text you send to a friend, the “just because” gifts, the songs that make you think of hours of shared laughs and soft glances. If the person who you think you could learn to love doesn’t make you feel safe and secure, then they’re probably not someone worth giving yourself to!
i love you all!
~malaika
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